| uh huh |
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| 06:39pm 20/11/2006 |
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So, I write again,
it always catches me on a shitty ass day
always happens to be right when i thought of something good
Ive been writing again, poems and thoughts...though its soothing sometimes i wish i didn't have to write becasue its on a small amount of occasions that i actually write about something thats making me happy. but its is always something that is so entirely short lived
yeah, anothe "he" problem and yet AGAIN another distance problem.
of course
who am i kidding, starting any kind of relationships, even friendships knowing that i am leaving again in march, to ANOTHER new place where i will again fail to make a proper relationship due to distance and shortness of time.
i wonder if that really is the whole reason or the easiest way to escape without hurting me.
i would almost be better off if they told me another reason like we dont click, or whatever because thats something i cannot and will not change. distance is just like dangling something in front of me that is so within my reach but withdrawn becuase it is far away, UGH!!!!!!!!!!!
but yes, jenn is right, it does show me something about him, that he needs that person to be there, and i just can't do that.
maybe later
maybe sometime down the road
but for now i guess ill suck it up for 3 years and not form bonds or relationships of any type, maybe this school was a sorry decision on my happiness.
<3 SPROUT ME A NEW ONE!!!!!!!!! |
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| i forgot |
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| 01:26am 29/08/2006 |
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wow, i still have this livejournal
life is pretty much empty here in SSNY but umm,
im getting along i guess
thanks to mat back home
hmmm
i move over to school in a week and a half
thatll be the start of some more real friends maybe
fuck life like its a rabbit, thanks
im making money while i die some more inside
yup, its emo FUCK YOU! |
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| content |
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| 04:16am 01/08/2006 |
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mood:  content
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I feel comfy with the way life is right now...
its not super awesome but its alright.
all this will be changing in about 16 days.
yeah i leave this place in about that long.
my birthday is soon, thats prety exciting, finally 18.
im pretty tired just waiting out until i have to take beth to the airport to go home.
thats in about 30 minutes or maybe a little more.
she is passed out wicked bad in my room, hopefully shell get a little rest
she missed her first flight into florida so yeah
i dont think she saw my mom or my brother
but i think she had a lot of fun for the few days she was here.
sometimes i wish feelings would heal over or mend together, thatd be great
if we cant hang on through this then it was obviously just a little fling that i enjoyed a lot.
oh another thing to the world, bladder busters are no good!!!!
hmm i like him.....ahhhh my life is one big mess of times and fortunate events, when will they ever line up?
alright im out..nighty night(or morny morning rather?) |
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| once again |
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| 10:50pm 21/07/2006 |
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so, my thoughts were relieved today
so many things have happened, changed whatever.
im pretty happy today, happily holding my head up
im sorry for all i hurt, i have recovered before, i know you are capable
and the beat goes on...
SPROUT!
p.s. i am getting(in the process of) my tattoo drawn and its going to be fucking sweet!
$500 sweet! but it wont be complete for a while, due to going away to school, i am not going to let someone else work on another artist's piece
enough for tonight, goodnight
:) tonight i sleep with a smile on...first time in a long time |
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| To Nelson, |
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| 09:11pm 19/07/2006 |
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To Nelson,
I really do listen to what you are saying. Everyone else too. Thank you, I get it. But, please understand it still hurts when there was nothing wrong, just bad timing... This wasn't writen for you, but it might prove what I am trying to.
I love you brother,
As the world turns, so does the heart
As some fall in love, love falls apart.
Everyone wishes and dreams of their own;
the fate of their love remains unknown.
Its all in the movies or all in the act;
but no one denies longing for the ceremonial pact.
The perfect love, and day at the alter.
But, before all this many loves will faulter.
So, through the ins and outs both
make yourself strong and commit to oath.
Never give up and lose hope in those dreams.
You'll go from heaven to hell, very extremes;
You're heart will jump and turn to ache.
You did no wrong, and trust there were no mistakes.
:) I am doing fine, thank you for caring so much. |
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| damnit dumbass! |
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| 02:25am 19/07/2006 |
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for the record "he" isnt so awesome
and I should have known better
i hate it
i fucking hate it once again
FUCK ME A NEW LIFE
p.s. yes the birthday is soon, anyone have a box of "new life" to hand out,
itd be very much apreciated
yes, beating myself up over it, maybe it will make me stronger and less stupid?
doubt it, cant fix whats broken!
SPROUT! please |
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| yup yup |
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| 04:49pm 17/07/2006 |
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so, i think i am going to delete this livejournal,
and if i dont delete it i am not checking it or updating it often, as is apparent
so its true, i leave on august 16th, if anyone wants to contact me they can to hang out
otherwise im not too worried about it
i do come back next april-ish time, i was going to move someone else in the nation if i had the money but i know i wont, and i dont really have that drive anymore, we'll see what happens
to be honest i dont care where i go for my internship as long as it doesnt suck and i get my fucking 700 hours in, in my 6 months... shouldnt be too awful hard
i am happy right now and he is awesome but it sucks i am moving
it really sucks
relationship wise i dont think we are on the same page because of quite a few factors,
but its fun while it will last...education comes first and i dont have a problem with keeping in touch :)
i know i have plenty of time, i just wish more was with him
and to the person who has recently blocked me, i have nothing else to say to you becuase i didnt think you'd lie...
as for now..tanning time.bye
SPROUT! |
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| well |
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| 01:00am 04/06/2006 |
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mood:  irritated music: james blunt, out of my mind
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so happy birthday to robbie....
i want to move soon
i am not moving soon enough
fuck the dinner at my place
no one is around or halfway interested in attending
that is all
fuck this! |
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| all over |
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| 02:04pm 27/05/2006 |
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so i graduated, what do i do from here?
nothing seems pleasing
except moving |
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| yup |
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| 02:51pm 18/05/2006 |
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so i am pretty sure that today was weird
today was the last day of classes.. the last day ill see a lot of people
a lot of people i dont mind that i wont see ever again too
ill be at school friday and tuesday for exams, then thursday adn friday for grad pracice, thats all folks
we're out!
call me for summer plans!!!! |
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| shown to me by my brother |
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| 10:26pm 02/05/2006 |
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A "punk" band called ALL
I really liked the song, so i thought i'd share it with you all somehow, as i like to do occasionally
:)
"Wishing Well"
I go to that wishing well
Stand looking down
So many thoughts cloud my brain
As I think about their lives
I think of all the things I'd do
If wishes could come true
Each time I leave that wishing well
I hold my head up high
Because I'm not afraid to dream
I'm not afraid to cry
I think of all the things I'd do
If wishes could come true
If only there were peace on Earth
(only wishes don't come true)
If only justice walked in blue
(only wishes don't come true)
If only everybody cared
(only wishes don't come true)
If only we could work together
If only we could never say never:
I think of all the things I'd do
If wishes could come true
Each time I leave that wishing well
I hold my head up high
I've got a thousand wishes
And I'm not afraid to try
I think of all the things I'd do
If wishes could come true
I tossed a penny in the well
A useless gesture, just as well
I watched it fall
A penny for your thoughts -
Do you care at all?
I think of all the things I'd do
If wishes could come true |
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| 420 Baby! |
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| 03:39pm 20/04/2006 |
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So, today I donated blood. Turns out, nothing at all to be scared of. This is coming from someone who had never been in a hospital room before, exceot when I was born, knock on wood.
And, yeah, its 420 so i gave blood. And this saturday i am helping to build a house for the "less fortunate."
A for now, I am off to work. The same tomorrow. Saturday and and Sunday(night) I am booked, but catch me if you want to do something :)
SPROUT |
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| hmm |
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| 06:44am 18/04/2006 |
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yes posting before school
its day one back from a 5 day weekend for seniors. I had fun even though i had to work every day but monday. i am also off today, then back to the spread. i took saturday and sunday off too
saturday for the musical to to support all of my friends NOT MR K!!!! and Sunday I have a scholarship "fiesta" to go to, no literally, a fiesta, like i have to wear bright colors, so i think my black and white would be perfect, haha, only kidding guys....maybe
but yeah thats $2000 of more money i didn't have.
Yesterday was one of those days where good stuff was happening but nothing seemed to fill the void or be quite enough. I was a little weird yesterday, so sorry if it rubbed off on anything.
Agh!! Get your friends to come to battle of hte bands Next wednesday the 26th
If no one goes, i will be really sad. haha
anyways, off to school, its an odd day, that calls for absolutely nothing!!!
keyboarding, sports injuries and medicine, sociology, lunch and guidance aid bitches,
any questions? come find me or comment or email or message, or myspace or IM or call, or plenty of things, i am pretty easy to get ahold of
im off.....
SPROUT |
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| Good Morning Heartache |
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| 09:32am 16/04/2006 |
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I LOVE BILLIE HOLIDAY!!
She is a musical goddess!!
Good morning, heartache, you ole gloomy sight
Good morning, heartache, thought we'd said goodbye last night
I turned and tossed until it seemed you had gone
But here you are with the dawn
Wish I'd forget you
but you're here to stay
It seems I met you
When my love went away
Now everyday I start by saying to you
Good morning, heartache, what's new?
Stop haunting me now
Can't shake you, no how
Just leave me alone
I've got those Monday blues
Straight through Sunday blues
Good morning, heartache, here we go again
Good morning, hearache, you're the one who knew me when
Might as well get used to you hangin around
Good morning, heartache, sit down
Stop haunting me now
Can't shake you, no how
Just leave me alone
I've got those Monday blues
Straight through Sunday blues
Good morning, heartache, here we go again
Good morning, heartache, you're the one who knew me when
Might as well get used to you hangin around
Good morning, heartache, sit down |
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| 02:03pm 15/04/2006 |
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its all alright now
i'll deal
friendship is better saved than sacrificed
<3
SPROUT! |
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| so yeah |
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| 11:12pm 11/04/2006 |
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mood:  contemplative music: Panic! At the Disco
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I am really really thinking way too much about things this time, I have to though. I have scars that keep me from it, and he is different. There is one big difference though, waiting doesn't scare me in a sense. I am not talking about waiting for him, but waiting, just waiting for different things that I wouldn't neccessarily wait for with another guy. I am glad for a lot of things, One in particular is that I am not lying to myself or anyone else when I say I am finally over Tim. I'll never be over his cowardly actions and all the stuff I am scared about but I am over him as a person. I can still never hate him though. I know I am just being an emo kid, but I don't fucking care, and most of you reading care a bit, I think. I'm really tired, I think I'll be cutting this short but definitely will keep all posted. Email, myspace, message me whatever. I'll talk to youall later, Goodnight!
SPROUT!~ That one's for Lizzy...if she is reading. |
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| kinda long for a ginger post |
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| 05:12pm 04/04/2006 |
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So, As most of you know I had to "quit" the musical production at school
and I will also have you know that it was not intentional, I did want to be a part of it and also Mr. Kolemann decided to try and get me into trouble with my National Honor Society membership over it.
He stated :
~She has quit the play with only 3 weeks remaining (as if i had a huge part where someone would notice me missing)
~ She has let myself and the entire cast down ( i have personally been told that i have not let my friends down it is just unfortunate we cant use that time to hang out, also by him that us secretaries are basically useless and if we act like we didnt want to be there then we shouldnt and it wouldnt hurt.)
~ she has wasted my time and money (okay? thats all extracurricular, what has he done for me?)
~as well as my wife's time and money ( i wasnt even in town for the dress fitting so i didnt even get dress made for me yet, we were to buy our secretary outfits ourselves... and i do believe i paid gas money and took time off when i could have been working to make more money to be is his fucking play)
~ it does not show the qualities of a leading NHS member (since when was being a background secretary girl part of serving the community and maintaining high gpa and leadership skills?)
This guy is a joke, and his play rehersals are a joke
I will support all my friends by purchasing a ticket and viewing THEIR show!
I love you guys so much and sorry to those of you who truely feel "let down", though i doubt thats anyone
I hope you enjoy your time in it and at those extremely expensive rehersals. you know
Aside from that, i am saving a bunch of money coming up on my car insurance! haha no really, make sure you are signed up for the good student plan and the "steer clear" drivers thing i am saving like $400 a year about, thats a lot for someone who pays their own insurance at State Farm...
Also, my trafic school is about half way complete but i have 60 days to complete it and bring the certificate to the license place
I paid for my ticket which was $186.50 (it went up the six dollars becuase i am taking the class? what the fuck? anyway at least i am not getting 4 poits on my license for my insurance to not go up too.)
And, I had to get a new license for my new address and well, that was another $15.25...
So, don't ask me to do much until i have worked enough. Though it does seem like i am working al the fucking time anyways!!!!!
ugh i hate needing money lol
I guess I'll just deal somehow, and I know my life will never settle down from here on out.
I am however supposed to hear about a pending $10,000 scholarship sometime this week, i am in the top three and I have heard many good things but i dont want to get my hopes up and be let down. so we will see, and i will let you know :) Other ones for everyone and local scholarships and such will be announced at Senior Awards Night May 15th 2006!!
wohoo... i am going to go work on about 3 projects i hae going on simultaneously, all in my even day classes, thanks have a good day/night everyone
with love
SPROUT!!! |
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| a song i edited *guster* |
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| 12:37am 13/03/2006 |
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I know a movie star, I've got him plastered to my wall
Just like we're dear old friends, like he already knows me
He's perfect as he seems, lifts me right out the Mezanine
I finally fell in love, I've been waiting forever
4 3 2 1 Went out the barrel of the gun
Keep my head weight (way?) down
Stand, I'll stand
Half dead and half numb
He's enough to make me warm
It's all so safe and sound
Lie back and fast asleep, if you could see what I could see
Drip drop a lovely dream
God damn you movie star, can't you just play a minute more
We'd be the best of friends, you could stay here forever
4 3 2 1 Went out the barrel of a gun
Keep my head weight (way?) down
Stand, I'll stand
Half dead and half numb
He's enough to make me warm
It's all so safe and sound
He will be sweet on me, just like a mystery
It's not so hard to see if I'm not mistaken
He comes from far away, and gets closer everyday
And all that I can say is that he's all I want and all that I live for
4 3 2 1 Went out the barrel of a gun
Keep my head weight (way?) down
Stand, I'll stand
Half dead and half numb
He's enough to make me warm
It's all so safe and sound |
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| so the update |
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| 03:07pm 03/03/2006 |
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not much to say
i like being friends with mat...
its pretty cool
he is awesome... but not as awesome as ed i may add
no one will ever trump ed
sorry guys
we are eloping i dont know if you have heard!!
ed and i that is
nelsons home today, and renaissance fair is tomorrow
mats working, sorry to mat
drew is deliberating but no answer? hmm i dont know
guess ill ttyl bubyes :)
SPROUT
p.s. FUCK_FREE 5 MONTHS BABY! umm yeah i think i gave that the wrong emotion :( !!! :( |
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| hmm |
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| 03:12pm 08/02/2006 |
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so i am pretty confused, not so much confused but lingering i guess
a strand of hope that maybe just maybe something new will happen and thatll be cool
la la la i am sitting in the public library before rehersal because i dont feel like driving all the way home and then going back out haha
leave me some comments, maybe a valentine would be nice :)
oh and also
HI TO AWESOME ED!! |
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